Shared Tears

They just seem to come out of nowhere. My thoughts wander, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else I might be doing. And then, of a sudden, my eyes well up and the tears are there again.

In my mind scenes play out of what that "goodbye" might have been like. The tender sweetness. A final handhold. A last embrace. The whispered "I'll love you forever."

The recent passing of a friend's husband has tweaked my perspective of life a bit. While I never met "Phil the Brave", I've known Heidi for over twenty years. I missed their wedding because I was too ill to travel at the time. But I would have been there if I could have.

I am grateful for the tears. They are symbolic of a friendship, of lives intertwined some day long ago and though years have passed since we last met, there is a dearness to the friendship that I'm sure will never diminish. My tears are shared with Heidi's. They are shared with all those tears from those who love Phil and feel the depth of this loss. They are pooled with those who have hope in the eternities. They run with those who feel the blessing of the tender mercies of our Father. My tears are a testimony that I am worthy and able to "mourn with those who mourn." They are tears of the Spirit, which somehow help to lessen Heidi's tears, taking the place of some few on her behalf.

And so when they come, I gratefully share my tears.

The Refiner's Fire

It is amazing to me what Heavenly Father requires some of us to experience in life...just so we can be better, so we can grow, so we can become more like He is. He blesses us and then at times provides us with experiences that we need to walk through. We struggle, we suffer physical pain...and grief. We are required to say goodbye to loved ones, left with the sweet memories of time spent together, their smile, their laugh, the warmth of their embrace.

Whether we are young or old...or middle-aged, educated or not, wealthy or impoverished or somewhere in between, no matter where we live or how we dress or what kind of a car we drive, if any at all, each of us is required to go through that "refiner's fire" someday. Sometimes it comes in bits and pieces. Sometimes it feels like it comes all in one fell swoop.

At times it seems we might cringe at the thought of those experiences, never wanting them to come to our personal door. And when we see others going through them, our hearts go out to them and we wonder "How can they bear it?". And we privately pray "it" will never come to us.

We watch the courage, the faith, the peace? Yes, peace...that comes during and after the fire. What is it that would make God, our Father, exact such a price from us?

Yes, that price is required for us to progress, to grow...we understand that. But I think there is more to it and in some ways, it makes no sense. Yet it rings true in my heart that those who suffer so are much loved by Him. So maybe some days we wish He didn't love us so much, eh?

And then there is peace. May Heavenly Father bless you today and always Heidi Jo.

Just a Dog

"Just a dog". Really? This morning I dropped my two year old female beagle Joely off at the vet hospital. Dr. Dalton is, in my opinion, an excellent vet and the facility is staffed by great people and is cutting-edge in equipment, techniques and care. But leaving Joely there for what is most likely a common surgery (spay & removal of some suspicious growths) was more difficult than I expected it to be.

Why?

Maybe because it is the same place and the same people where Rudy, my 11 year old beagle passed away when I thought I'd be taking him home for a little while longer. Maybe it's because it is the same place and people who took care of him and his sister & litter mate Libby for the last years of their lives, and where those two old hound dogs established a reputation that only very special dogs can leave behind. Maybe it's because it's the only place Joely has ever been, where she has had all of her puppy exams. Maybe it's because it was just seven short months ago that Joely delivered her first - and what will be her only sweet litter of gorgeous beagle puppies.

I'm sure that Joely is in excellent care. I'm sure that all will go well and she'll recovery quickly without any complications. But watching her walk away with the vet tech was almost too much.

Only people who truly have a connection with their dogs can relate to my feelings this morning. Joely represents all of those special canine companions that become so much more than our furry four-legged friends. They are family. They belong to us. We belong to them. They grab our hearts and steal their own little place there, never to be taken by anyone or anything else.

Just a dog...when people tell me that I usually don't respond. They don't understand. They are not capable of understanding for they have not been blessed with the gift, yes the gift, that opens hearts a little deeper, allows us to love more fiercely, and enjoy the wonderful dog companions in our lives as they are meant to be.

I will admit it...I love my dogs. I love them as much as I love the people in my life. More often than not, my dogs have been a source of companionship and comfort when loneliness and despair could not be consoled in any other way. They offer a source of entertainment, fun and play that I can't get from anyone else in my life

Rudy, Libby, Joely and Bronco...I love you. You will never know the great gift and blessing you are in my life.

Leaves and Things

Wow, it's been a while since I blogged. Some blogger, huh? ;0) Things have been crazy busy with Randy coming home on October 5. We promptly took off on October 7 for a vacation to New England. What a trip! We flew into Buffalo, NY and stayed overnight on the Canadian side of Niagra Falls. Fantastic view! We spent the next day just touring around the falls and as we were leaving on our ride up the tram that goes back up to the main road we saw several emergency vehicles right where we had been standing. A jumper?! Yes, that was confirmed about an hour later when we were attempting to schedule the shorter tour on the "Maid of the Mist" boat but it had been delayed by several hours due to "rescue" and recovery efforts. That was a sad experience to think someone had just made that decision about their life.

We went on our way to Palmyra, NY which is significant in our church history. Being the place of the restoration of the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as well as the home of significant locations where other important events took place, we spent three days there. It is a small, quaint and very New England community. At the last minute we lucked out and got a room due to a cancellation at the Palmyra Inn. That was HUGE since pretty much all other accommodations were about 20 miles away. It was a great location, with a pathway out the back door that led to the Sacred Grove, just .2 miles away! While in Palmyra we visited the Grandin Press and of course the LDS bookstore adjacent to it for purchasing replicas of the original Book of Mormon. We took a lot of photos of the Erie Canal, the town, the famous "four churches" corner (the only place in the world with a church building on each corner. We visited the Smith family farm and home, the old log home and Alvin Smith's gravesite. We also made a trip to the Whitmer Farm and Vistor's Center, where the church was organized. Something significant about that is that the old white house, which has been moved and is now to the right of the Visitor's Center, was the building my family attended church in when I was about 4-5 years old. My dad was stationed at the Army Depot in Geneva, NY back then.

One of the highlights of our time in Palmyra was our visit to the Palmyra Temple. It is so small but beautiful. After our session there a sealer invited us to participate in sealings which we were happy to do. We then learned of the significance of the back window of the temple. It is the only clear glass window in that temple and I believe the only other temple with clear glass in it is the Washington D.C temple. This window was requested by President Gordon B. Hinckley, then president and prophet. When he stood on the ground of the temple site he saw it looked out to the Sacred Grove and he stated he "wanted that view" so that all who entered the temple would see that holy place from within the Lord's house.

The Sacred Grove was our next and final stop in Palmyra and we spent 3 hours there. When the day started it was gloomy, overcast and misting. By the time we entered the Grove the sun had broken through the clouds and we enjoyed the crisp fall air as we walked. It was an amazing feeling and special experience.

From there we drove almost 400 miles through New York and Vermont, stopping just as the sun set in Randolph, Vermont. This is the location of the Joseph Smith Memorial, the birthplace of this prophet. It was too dark to see much or take photos but we visited briefly in the Visitor's Center with the senior missionaries. They happen to be from Meridian, Idaho, where we live! The elder told us he was once my grandmother's home teachers and knows many members of my family. We hurried on our way to Laconia, New Hampshire where we were expected for dinner...but that didn't happen!

We finally arrived at the home of Fred & Marilyn Coffin where we stayed a few days. They are a special family in my life as a missionary and it was great to spend time with them and renew those friendships. The next day was Sunday and we attended church at the Laconia Ward in New Hampshire with Marilyn. After 20 years it was surprising that I was still remembered by so many in that ward. I got a real kick out of the "kids" who are now in their 30's with families of their own and serving in the bishopric and Relief Society. So fun to catch up with everyone but missed a lot of folks who were on assignments elsewhere.

The next day we headed up the coast of Maine and nearly froze to death! LOL...the wind is just bitter on the coast in the fall, winter and spring but it was gorgeous. Randy and I stopped for a real lobster dinner which was quite delectable!

We arrived at the home of Dennis & Sheila Frappier, friend's also from my mission days and spent two days with them. They live in Raymond, Maine nearly at the end of a dirt road. Their home is on an inlet that sits right across the road from Lake Sebago. We had a fun time strolling the beach and rocks, taking tons of photos and just spending time with their family. We took a day trip to Freeport and the LL Bean flagship store and had a nice leisurely drive back to their home that night.

We finally headed back to Laconia for our goodbye's with the Coffin's and Dennis & Syl Swett, also friends from my mission days in Laconia. We had a great time visiting with them and then headed to our hotel in Manchester so we were close to the airport for our very early morning flight home.

All in all, we could have spent another week out there. Besides seeing and walking the grounds of those places that we hold sacred and are so special, my highlight was to just be with people who mean so much to me. Only those who have served as missionaries know what I'm talking about. The love that you have for those people stays with you forever and it seemed like we had never been apart. I felt very at home and very welcomed there. What great people in a gorgeous part of God's earth!

Fall is in the Air!

Well, I 'spose it had to happen eventually...looks like summer has ended and fall is here! It's a cool 62 degrees outside at 4pm with a little breeze blowing. I went out to check the apple trees. In spite of not getting them treated this past spring and the worms that have made their little homes in many of the apples, they have done pretty well.

I learned from watching a YouTube video earlier this summer how to thin out the limbs and the fruit. WHAT A DIFFERENCE THAT MADE! Wow...the apples are about twice as big as last year. Still waiting for that first freeze to pick them...hopefully they won't all fall off the tree before then! Hot apple cider sure sounds good right now!

That "One Thing"

Ever feel just kind of out of place, like you don't quite fit in, like you're just going through the motions to keep up appearances so people don't "see" what you are really feeling inside? That's kind of how the past few days have been for me.

Fortunately for me, I guess, right now I don't have to interact with a lot of people. There's no one at home (husband works in Afghanistan) and being a full-time household engineer, I am home alone...except for when I'm not.

It's strange how you can sit in a room full of people, even a congregation of 200-plus, and still feel completely disconnected from anyone. Totally and utterly alone.

I think that each of us must feel that way at times in our lives. There's always something that sets us apart from everyone else. Sometimes, that "one thing" can be a painful realization of how different you are, how you don't quite fit in, how you probably won't ever measure up.

I don't know why but that "one thing" for me has been more pronounced this past week than ever before. It is something most of the women I know can never relate to, have never experienced it and really, off the top of my head, I cannot think of anyone I know that shares this same "one thing" with me. It's a lonely place to be, in the middle of that "one thing".

Maybe it's better to just look at all the "many things" that tie me to so many others.

The Only Thing That Really Matters

Found this in my in-box this morning...just passing it along.

The Only Thing That Really Matters
by Alexander Green

Dear Reader,

Why do some folks look back on their lives in old age and say they wouldn't change much... or anything?

Is there a formula - some mix of love, work, habits, or attitudes - that offers the best chance of experiencing the good life?

Believe it or not, researchers at Harvard have been examining this question for 72 years, following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, sickness, health, marriage, parenthood, grandparenthood and old age.

Their discoveries about what constitutes a well-lived life might surprise you.

Just listen to Dr. George Vaillant. Since 1967, the Harvard Medical School professor has dedicated his career to following the men of Harvard's "Grant Study," named after its patron, the department-store magnate, W.T. Grant.

Vaillant's specialty is the longitudinal method of research, the comprehensive study of a small number of people over a long period of time.

His subjects were never a representative sample of society. They were all young men, Harvard students, from relatively privileged backgrounds.

Yet Vaillant's findings offer profound insights into the human condition. They have universal applications. And they illuminate the one single factor that correlates most highly with a positive life assessment in old age.

So let's take a closer look...

From the beginning, the Grant Study was meant to be exhaustive. Harvard researchers assembled a team that included medical doctors, physiologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, anthropologists and other specialists.

Over more than seven decades, participants were monitored, interviewed and studied from every conceivable angle, including eating and drinking habits, exercise, mental and physical health, career changes, financial successes and setbacks, marital history, parenthood, grandparenthood and old age.

They were subjected to general aptitude tests and personality inventories, and were required to provide regular letters and documentation.

Many of the Grant Study men achieved dramatic success. Some became captains of industry. One was a bestselling author. Four members ran for the U.S. Senate. One served in a presidential cabinet. And one - JFK (we now know) - was president. (His files have been sealed until 2040.)

Some of the subjects were disappointments, too. Case number 47, for example, literally fell down drunk and died. (Not quite what the study had in mind.)

Most of the participants remain anonymous, although a few, like Ben Bradlee, the long-time editor of The Washington Post, have publicly identified themselves.

Over the last four decades, the lives of the Grant men were Vaillant's personal and professional obsession. In his book, Adaptation to Life, he writes, "Their lives were too human for science, too beautiful for numbers, too sad for diagnosis and too immortal for bound journals."

Yet more than 70 years of data and analysis enabled Vaillant to reach some broad conclusions.

He found seven major factors that predict healthy aging, both physically and psychologically: education, stable marriage, healthy weight, some exercise, not smoking, not abusing alcohol and "employing mature adaptations." (Vaillant believes social skills and coping methods are crucial in determining overall life satisfaction.)

However, his most important finding was revealed in an interview in 2008 when he was asked, "What have you learned from the Grant Study men?"

Vaillant's response: "That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people."

The Grant Study confirms what the wisest among us have always known, that a successful life is not about the grim determination to get or have more. Nor is it about low cholesterol levels or intellectual brilliance or career accomplishments.

It's about human connections: parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends, neighbors and mentors.

Without them, life quickly loses its flavor, whatever material successes we enjoy. Lasting satisfaction is rare outside of meaningful, human relationships.

Look back at your life and you'll almost certainly find that the most significant moments were births, deaths, weddings and celebrations.

Your most profound moments? When you touched others... or they touched you.

In times of suffering - loss, sickness, death - it is not prescriptions, formulas, or advice we seek, but the healing presence of another.

When we forget this - when we think only of ourselves - we choke the source of our development.

Real meaning comes from taking care of those you love, letting them know how you feel.

Fortunately, we have countless opportunities to give a bit of ourselves each day through a thoughtful act, a word of appreciation, or a sense of understanding.

As Dr. Vaillant concludes, true success "is more about us than me."