Shared Tears

They just seem to come out of nowhere. My thoughts wander, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else I might be doing. And then, of a sudden, my eyes well up and the tears are there again.

In my mind scenes play out of what that "goodbye" might have been like. The tender sweetness. A final handhold. A last embrace. The whispered "I'll love you forever."

The recent passing of a friend's husband has tweaked my perspective of life a bit. While I never met "Phil the Brave", I've known Heidi for over twenty years. I missed their wedding because I was too ill to travel at the time. But I would have been there if I could have.

I am grateful for the tears. They are symbolic of a friendship, of lives intertwined some day long ago and though years have passed since we last met, there is a dearness to the friendship that I'm sure will never diminish. My tears are shared with Heidi's. They are shared with all those tears from those who love Phil and feel the depth of this loss. They are pooled with those who have hope in the eternities. They run with those who feel the blessing of the tender mercies of our Father. My tears are a testimony that I am worthy and able to "mourn with those who mourn." They are tears of the Spirit, which somehow help to lessen Heidi's tears, taking the place of some few on her behalf.

And so when they come, I gratefully share my tears.

The Refiner's Fire

It is amazing to me what Heavenly Father requires some of us to experience in life...just so we can be better, so we can grow, so we can become more like He is. He blesses us and then at times provides us with experiences that we need to walk through. We struggle, we suffer physical pain...and grief. We are required to say goodbye to loved ones, left with the sweet memories of time spent together, their smile, their laugh, the warmth of their embrace.

Whether we are young or old...or middle-aged, educated or not, wealthy or impoverished or somewhere in between, no matter where we live or how we dress or what kind of a car we drive, if any at all, each of us is required to go through that "refiner's fire" someday. Sometimes it comes in bits and pieces. Sometimes it feels like it comes all in one fell swoop.

At times it seems we might cringe at the thought of those experiences, never wanting them to come to our personal door. And when we see others going through them, our hearts go out to them and we wonder "How can they bear it?". And we privately pray "it" will never come to us.

We watch the courage, the faith, the peace? Yes, peace...that comes during and after the fire. What is it that would make God, our Father, exact such a price from us?

Yes, that price is required for us to progress, to grow...we understand that. But I think there is more to it and in some ways, it makes no sense. Yet it rings true in my heart that those who suffer so are much loved by Him. So maybe some days we wish He didn't love us so much, eh?

And then there is peace. May Heavenly Father bless you today and always Heidi Jo.