Just a Dog

"Just a dog". Really? This morning I dropped my two year old female beagle Joely off at the vet hospital. Dr. Dalton is, in my opinion, an excellent vet and the facility is staffed by great people and is cutting-edge in equipment, techniques and care. But leaving Joely there for what is most likely a common surgery (spay & removal of some suspicious growths) was more difficult than I expected it to be.

Why?

Maybe because it is the same place and the same people where Rudy, my 11 year old beagle passed away when I thought I'd be taking him home for a little while longer. Maybe it's because it is the same place and people who took care of him and his sister & litter mate Libby for the last years of their lives, and where those two old hound dogs established a reputation that only very special dogs can leave behind. Maybe it's because it's the only place Joely has ever been, where she has had all of her puppy exams. Maybe it's because it was just seven short months ago that Joely delivered her first - and what will be her only sweet litter of gorgeous beagle puppies.

I'm sure that Joely is in excellent care. I'm sure that all will go well and she'll recovery quickly without any complications. But watching her walk away with the vet tech was almost too much.

Only people who truly have a connection with their dogs can relate to my feelings this morning. Joely represents all of those special canine companions that become so much more than our furry four-legged friends. They are family. They belong to us. We belong to them. They grab our hearts and steal their own little place there, never to be taken by anyone or anything else.

Just a dog...when people tell me that I usually don't respond. They don't understand. They are not capable of understanding for they have not been blessed with the gift, yes the gift, that opens hearts a little deeper, allows us to love more fiercely, and enjoy the wonderful dog companions in our lives as they are meant to be.

I will admit it...I love my dogs. I love them as much as I love the people in my life. More often than not, my dogs have been a source of companionship and comfort when loneliness and despair could not be consoled in any other way. They offer a source of entertainment, fun and play that I can't get from anyone else in my life

Rudy, Libby, Joely and Bronco...I love you. You will never know the great gift and blessing you are in my life.

Leaves and Things

Wow, it's been a while since I blogged. Some blogger, huh? ;0) Things have been crazy busy with Randy coming home on October 5. We promptly took off on October 7 for a vacation to New England. What a trip! We flew into Buffalo, NY and stayed overnight on the Canadian side of Niagra Falls. Fantastic view! We spent the next day just touring around the falls and as we were leaving on our ride up the tram that goes back up to the main road we saw several emergency vehicles right where we had been standing. A jumper?! Yes, that was confirmed about an hour later when we were attempting to schedule the shorter tour on the "Maid of the Mist" boat but it had been delayed by several hours due to "rescue" and recovery efforts. That was a sad experience to think someone had just made that decision about their life.

We went on our way to Palmyra, NY which is significant in our church history. Being the place of the restoration of the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as well as the home of significant locations where other important events took place, we spent three days there. It is a small, quaint and very New England community. At the last minute we lucked out and got a room due to a cancellation at the Palmyra Inn. That was HUGE since pretty much all other accommodations were about 20 miles away. It was a great location, with a pathway out the back door that led to the Sacred Grove, just .2 miles away! While in Palmyra we visited the Grandin Press and of course the LDS bookstore adjacent to it for purchasing replicas of the original Book of Mormon. We took a lot of photos of the Erie Canal, the town, the famous "four churches" corner (the only place in the world with a church building on each corner. We visited the Smith family farm and home, the old log home and Alvin Smith's gravesite. We also made a trip to the Whitmer Farm and Vistor's Center, where the church was organized. Something significant about that is that the old white house, which has been moved and is now to the right of the Visitor's Center, was the building my family attended church in when I was about 4-5 years old. My dad was stationed at the Army Depot in Geneva, NY back then.

One of the highlights of our time in Palmyra was our visit to the Palmyra Temple. It is so small but beautiful. After our session there a sealer invited us to participate in sealings which we were happy to do. We then learned of the significance of the back window of the temple. It is the only clear glass window in that temple and I believe the only other temple with clear glass in it is the Washington D.C temple. This window was requested by President Gordon B. Hinckley, then president and prophet. When he stood on the ground of the temple site he saw it looked out to the Sacred Grove and he stated he "wanted that view" so that all who entered the temple would see that holy place from within the Lord's house.

The Sacred Grove was our next and final stop in Palmyra and we spent 3 hours there. When the day started it was gloomy, overcast and misting. By the time we entered the Grove the sun had broken through the clouds and we enjoyed the crisp fall air as we walked. It was an amazing feeling and special experience.

From there we drove almost 400 miles through New York and Vermont, stopping just as the sun set in Randolph, Vermont. This is the location of the Joseph Smith Memorial, the birthplace of this prophet. It was too dark to see much or take photos but we visited briefly in the Visitor's Center with the senior missionaries. They happen to be from Meridian, Idaho, where we live! The elder told us he was once my grandmother's home teachers and knows many members of my family. We hurried on our way to Laconia, New Hampshire where we were expected for dinner...but that didn't happen!

We finally arrived at the home of Fred & Marilyn Coffin where we stayed a few days. They are a special family in my life as a missionary and it was great to spend time with them and renew those friendships. The next day was Sunday and we attended church at the Laconia Ward in New Hampshire with Marilyn. After 20 years it was surprising that I was still remembered by so many in that ward. I got a real kick out of the "kids" who are now in their 30's with families of their own and serving in the bishopric and Relief Society. So fun to catch up with everyone but missed a lot of folks who were on assignments elsewhere.

The next day we headed up the coast of Maine and nearly froze to death! LOL...the wind is just bitter on the coast in the fall, winter and spring but it was gorgeous. Randy and I stopped for a real lobster dinner which was quite delectable!

We arrived at the home of Dennis & Sheila Frappier, friend's also from my mission days and spent two days with them. They live in Raymond, Maine nearly at the end of a dirt road. Their home is on an inlet that sits right across the road from Lake Sebago. We had a fun time strolling the beach and rocks, taking tons of photos and just spending time with their family. We took a day trip to Freeport and the LL Bean flagship store and had a nice leisurely drive back to their home that night.

We finally headed back to Laconia for our goodbye's with the Coffin's and Dennis & Syl Swett, also friends from my mission days in Laconia. We had a great time visiting with them and then headed to our hotel in Manchester so we were close to the airport for our very early morning flight home.

All in all, we could have spent another week out there. Besides seeing and walking the grounds of those places that we hold sacred and are so special, my highlight was to just be with people who mean so much to me. Only those who have served as missionaries know what I'm talking about. The love that you have for those people stays with you forever and it seemed like we had never been apart. I felt very at home and very welcomed there. What great people in a gorgeous part of God's earth!

Fall is in the Air!

Well, I 'spose it had to happen eventually...looks like summer has ended and fall is here! It's a cool 62 degrees outside at 4pm with a little breeze blowing. I went out to check the apple trees. In spite of not getting them treated this past spring and the worms that have made their little homes in many of the apples, they have done pretty well.

I learned from watching a YouTube video earlier this summer how to thin out the limbs and the fruit. WHAT A DIFFERENCE THAT MADE! Wow...the apples are about twice as big as last year. Still waiting for that first freeze to pick them...hopefully they won't all fall off the tree before then! Hot apple cider sure sounds good right now!

That "One Thing"

Ever feel just kind of out of place, like you don't quite fit in, like you're just going through the motions to keep up appearances so people don't "see" what you are really feeling inside? That's kind of how the past few days have been for me.

Fortunately for me, I guess, right now I don't have to interact with a lot of people. There's no one at home (husband works in Afghanistan) and being a full-time household engineer, I am home alone...except for when I'm not.

It's strange how you can sit in a room full of people, even a congregation of 200-plus, and still feel completely disconnected from anyone. Totally and utterly alone.

I think that each of us must feel that way at times in our lives. There's always something that sets us apart from everyone else. Sometimes, that "one thing" can be a painful realization of how different you are, how you don't quite fit in, how you probably won't ever measure up.

I don't know why but that "one thing" for me has been more pronounced this past week than ever before. It is something most of the women I know can never relate to, have never experienced it and really, off the top of my head, I cannot think of anyone I know that shares this same "one thing" with me. It's a lonely place to be, in the middle of that "one thing".

Maybe it's better to just look at all the "many things" that tie me to so many others.

The Only Thing That Really Matters

Found this in my in-box this morning...just passing it along.

The Only Thing That Really Matters
by Alexander Green

Dear Reader,

Why do some folks look back on their lives in old age and say they wouldn't change much... or anything?

Is there a formula - some mix of love, work, habits, or attitudes - that offers the best chance of experiencing the good life?

Believe it or not, researchers at Harvard have been examining this question for 72 years, following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, sickness, health, marriage, parenthood, grandparenthood and old age.

Their discoveries about what constitutes a well-lived life might surprise you.

Just listen to Dr. George Vaillant. Since 1967, the Harvard Medical School professor has dedicated his career to following the men of Harvard's "Grant Study," named after its patron, the department-store magnate, W.T. Grant.

Vaillant's specialty is the longitudinal method of research, the comprehensive study of a small number of people over a long period of time.

His subjects were never a representative sample of society. They were all young men, Harvard students, from relatively privileged backgrounds.

Yet Vaillant's findings offer profound insights into the human condition. They have universal applications. And they illuminate the one single factor that correlates most highly with a positive life assessment in old age.

So let's take a closer look...

From the beginning, the Grant Study was meant to be exhaustive. Harvard researchers assembled a team that included medical doctors, physiologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, anthropologists and other specialists.

Over more than seven decades, participants were monitored, interviewed and studied from every conceivable angle, including eating and drinking habits, exercise, mental and physical health, career changes, financial successes and setbacks, marital history, parenthood, grandparenthood and old age.

They were subjected to general aptitude tests and personality inventories, and were required to provide regular letters and documentation.

Many of the Grant Study men achieved dramatic success. Some became captains of industry. One was a bestselling author. Four members ran for the U.S. Senate. One served in a presidential cabinet. And one - JFK (we now know) - was president. (His files have been sealed until 2040.)

Some of the subjects were disappointments, too. Case number 47, for example, literally fell down drunk and died. (Not quite what the study had in mind.)

Most of the participants remain anonymous, although a few, like Ben Bradlee, the long-time editor of The Washington Post, have publicly identified themselves.

Over the last four decades, the lives of the Grant men were Vaillant's personal and professional obsession. In his book, Adaptation to Life, he writes, "Their lives were too human for science, too beautiful for numbers, too sad for diagnosis and too immortal for bound journals."

Yet more than 70 years of data and analysis enabled Vaillant to reach some broad conclusions.

He found seven major factors that predict healthy aging, both physically and psychologically: education, stable marriage, healthy weight, some exercise, not smoking, not abusing alcohol and "employing mature adaptations." (Vaillant believes social skills and coping methods are crucial in determining overall life satisfaction.)

However, his most important finding was revealed in an interview in 2008 when he was asked, "What have you learned from the Grant Study men?"

Vaillant's response: "That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people."

The Grant Study confirms what the wisest among us have always known, that a successful life is not about the grim determination to get or have more. Nor is it about low cholesterol levels or intellectual brilliance or career accomplishments.

It's about human connections: parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends, neighbors and mentors.

Without them, life quickly loses its flavor, whatever material successes we enjoy. Lasting satisfaction is rare outside of meaningful, human relationships.

Look back at your life and you'll almost certainly find that the most significant moments were births, deaths, weddings and celebrations.

Your most profound moments? When you touched others... or they touched you.

In times of suffering - loss, sickness, death - it is not prescriptions, formulas, or advice we seek, but the healing presence of another.

When we forget this - when we think only of ourselves - we choke the source of our development.

Real meaning comes from taking care of those you love, letting them know how you feel.

Fortunately, we have countless opportunities to give a bit of ourselves each day through a thoughtful act, a word of appreciation, or a sense of understanding.

As Dr. Vaillant concludes, true success "is more about us than me."

Hugs

Got a really good hug last night from Nathan. He's our son. Haven't seen him since Elizabeth's wedding the end of May. He and Amber live in Utah but were on a little trip and they stopped by last night on their way home.

Nathan is unusual about hugs. First, he's a REALLY big guy, so you wouldn't guess he's a "hugger". And second, he's a really good hugger. Big hugs come from big guys!

I don't get or give many hugs, just not who I am. Although, I don't mind "real" hugs. In fact, I rather enjoy hugs. I feel really fortunate that I've gotten a couple of really great hugs in the past few weeks.

The other hug came from a friend and former co-worker, Rhonda. She was on a vacation and stopped to see me for a few hours. Besides being a really great person she is a lot of fun too! When she arrived I was in the front yard. She came and threw her arms around me and just squeezed me really tight, kind of doing that rocking motion. That's what Nathan did too, only he didn't rock. But they were good, tight squeezes. Not so hard that I deflated, but tight. Like they meant it. Like I meant something to them.

Gross National Happiness

GNH, or Gross National Happiness. Ever heard of that? Neither have I. I was reading a short article this morning about the world's happiest cities. (As I recall, there were none from the U.S on the list but I might have missed it.)

There was quite a list and brief descriptions of cities and why they were ranked as "happy" cities. Then it came to the small Himalayan city of Bhutan. And that's where this phrase "Gross National Happiness" popped up. I think it's cool...I like the way it sounds. And, according to the author, when describing the people of that city, "You can see it (happiness) in their open faces - they smile from their hearts."

That's enticing enough to make me want to go see for myself!

I'm Just Sayin'

Have you ever been a starter on a sports team? You know what I mean, one of the "original" five on the court, or just part of a team that played for years together? I was. When I was in the third grade I started playing city league softball with a group of girls. We all attended the same elementary school. I played on that team until my sophomore year in high school. That's when I realized I couldn't run track and play ball during the same season, although I gave it a shot. That's a long time to play on a team that was pretty much the same players, seven years.

I played outfield...because I threw the ball from the middle of center field into homeplate once and it sailed over the backstop. Hey, I never said I always had great control! That's another story though...Anywho,my point is when you are a part of something like that there is a cohesiveness, a "oneness" that just seems to grow. And the longer you are a part of that team the stronger that gets. Being the "6th man" on a basketball team is almost the same as being on the starting five...but not quite.

You sit and watch the other players run the plays, pass the ball, make the shots, steal the ball...all of it. And you know you know how to do that, maybe as good as or even better in some ways than any one of the others out there on the starting five. Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason to how the starters are selected, or for that matter, who gets the sixth man spot.

But what happens if someone on the starting team isn't able to start any longer? Maybe they get hurt, out for the season, or move away. They just aren't out there in their natural place anymore...the place everyone else on the starting lineup is used to seeing them. Feels kind of bad for the "new" player. Why? Because everyone else is going to be watching, scruitinizing every move that player makes. How fast they get down the court. How crisp, sharp and accurate their passes are, how much they hustle on defense, if they have quick hands to steal the ball, good vision on the court and you can shoot. And no matter how well they do 90% of the time, 75% of the time or even 50% of the time...when they make one mistake that's all everyone else can see.

I don't like being the sixth player. It's not any fun. And it doesn't really matter to me what the fans think...they don't carry much weight. Oh sure, the coach. Yeah, the coach put me in there. For some reason, right? Thought I could do it, thought I had what it takes, thought I deserved the opportunity, thought I could make a difference for the team as a starter. That's great...but if the other starters never accept me as a starter on their squad...well, you get the point.

Still Playing Around

I'm still experimenting with the layout and colors for this blog. And what to do about photos. I have lots to choose from, just haven't decided on what direction to go yet. Guess that's my prerogative, right?

So...I've decided to clean up a couple of rooms before Randy comes home from Afghanistan in a month from Saturday. I started on one and after about 10 minutes just thought "I REALLY do not want to be doing this right now!"...so I quit!

I guess it's like crafts with me. If it takes longer than 10.7 minutes from start to finish, I lose interest and patience. That's how I am with cleaning. Now yard work is a totally different story. I can go for HOURS on end weeding, digging, dead-heading flowers, trimming, mowing...you name it. Until it just gets so darn hot and I'm crawling into the house or I actually "finish" (yard work is never really finished, right?). So what is my deal? Maybe it's a sense of satisfaction. I think I can more readily see the results of my efforts in a patch of dirt than in a room or on a counter top.

Well, on the up-side...I made a fresh blackberry cobbler to indulge myself in later tonight. Probably about the time the Boise State Bronco's take on the Oregon Quackers. And yes, the berries are from our garden. There are lots of them...I should figure out what to do with them soon, eh?

Sleepless Night

Hadn't planned on posting anything today but....I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. Then kept waking up. And one person kept being in my thoughts. I met Heidi about 21 years ago, I think this month. We were missionary companions in New Hampshire when we were assigned to serve together. We were a bit of an odd couple. I'm reserved and very deliberate. Heidi is a walking musical, busting out in various lyrics and tunes from Broadway shows and other musical pieces she had learned over the years. We were a dynamic duo back in those days. Lots of fun and lots of success.

I haven't kept up with Heidi's life for a while but thought I'd check her blog last night, just see what was up. What I read saddened my heart. Heidi and Phil married about three years ago. She's sort of like me that way, waited a long time for the "right" one to come a long. Phil seems like a wonderful man, a good provider, loving husband and doting father to their little girl, about 2 years old now. But since early in their marriage Phil has been battling colorectal cancer. It had metastasized to his lung at one point. I don't recall all of the details but I know he has had a couple of surgeries. He is a professor at a university in Alabama, where they moved shortly after their wedding. Heidi has been a stay at home mom during that time, loving every minute of her life.

Phil has gone through chemo and I don't know what other treatments to put this beast in check. However, from the sounds of things, their meeting with a thoracic surgeon last week did not offer much hope. Sounds like things have advanced to a stage where surgery is not an option, chemo is no longer effective.

How can something that is your dream be so starkly snatched away, just like that? Seems that when you wait so long for that dream to become a reality, you might feel like you are "entitled" to a life of joy and happiness for many years to come. But Heidi doesn't think like that. The title of that post? I.CAN.DO.HARD.THINGS.

Why I Love Hammocks

You ever hang out in a hammock? I never really did until I bought one for Randy for our first anniversary. It was pretty cool, came with a metal frame so you could just put it wherever you wanted to. Wasn't tied to a tree. It was wide, big enough for both of us to get in it. Blue and white striped.

I never spent much time in that particular hammock. Not sure why, I guess maybe I felt like it was Randy's hammock and HE should be in it, not me. But then we moved. The backyard, which is pretty big since our lot size is over a half-acre, has a nice sized tree. Perfecto for putting a hammock under it. I started using it more and more and as the kids came home from missions, I would often see Elizabeth or Nathan out in the hammock.

Then one of the puppies, Joely, decided she wanted to try the hammock. I remember lying in it one day, lazily daydreaming. The next thing I knew I was almost flipped out onto the ground! Joely had jumped onto the hammock with me! Kind of funny but it gets better. I watched her jump onto the hammock while it was empty, certain she would flip herself right out of it. But she didn't! Somehow the little bugger was smart enough to figure out that this moving "blankie" could be stablized if she put all four legs out, kind of spread eagle. She often would jump up in the hammock after that. I think it was just fun for her.

Well, one thing I've missed a lot this summer...the hammock. Oh, the stand is still there and so is the tree. But last summer the hammock got broken. And I haven't replaced it. It almost seems like a luxury item now. It's not that much fun to just have it all to myself all the time anyway. Maybe it will get replaced so that next summer, I'll have the hammock back. And maybe next summer, Randy will be home to share the hammock with me.

Where Do the Lids Go?

I don't know if there is anything that bugs me so much but this is one of my pet peeves: having small storage containers, like Rubbermaid or Tupperware, with NO LIDS! Where do they disappear to? What's the point in having something like 30 lids that don't fit the containers? Drives me nuts...Seriously, I am tempted to throw them all away and just get those new ones that have the lids that snap onto the BOTTOM when you store them.

Okay...so here's the rest of the "lid" story. It goes along with the old sheets, thread-bare towels and other such things. Might be hard for some folks to "get" this but I'll try to explain my perspective. Ya see, a lot of those little containers with no lids, or the many lids with no matching containers - they are not mine. Just like the old sheets and towels so worn you can literally see sunlight through them if you hold them up. They aren't mine. In my life, they are useless. They have no meaning, no purpose whatsoever. They take up space and I wonder when I see them "why are we keeping these"? But becausethey don't "belong" to me, I can't get rid of them. You see, these are momentos of someone who no longer walks among us. They are part of a past family life which I don't belong to. They are from the wife of my husband's youth, married to her for 20 years...the mother of his children. Constant reminders of who I am not, the role I will never fill, the place I can never take as my own. So I have a kitchen drawer full of containers and lids that don't match, old towels and sheets that hold their own shelf in the linen closet.

What's Up?

Just thought I'd take a chance on a second blog. My first one, http://idahoironrodbeagles.blogspot.com served it's only purpose. That was to sell an unexpected litter of beautiful beagle pups last spring. It worked. It was fun. Gave me something to do.

So what about the title of this blog you ask? Seriously, have you NEVER burned anything you were cooking or baking? Happens to everyone, I'm sure. What I hate the most about that is the stink (c'mon, you know it smells up the house, your hair, your clothes!) AND the mess! But maybe even worse than that is the sense of defeat that comes from burning dinner or dessert. Here I planned something, got all the ingredients out, mixed it up, set the oven temp and timer. And just like that, it doesn't turn out the way I expected! And who wants to eat something that is totally crispified? Yech...but life's kinda like that, isn't it?

'Cept we can't really just "throw it out", right? You have to hang around until the "stink" goes away, the oven cools off and the pan soaks...for three days! So in the midst of our missteps, misjudgments, misunderstandings maybe we can find something in the burnt offerings of our lives still worthy to place on the alter. Still good enough to be accepted as an offering. Probably will need to do a little scraping off of the burned portions though, like toast.